Back to work...finally

After six months of being unemployed, I'm finally going back to work. I'm the new Public Relations Specialist for Kansas City Hospice and Palliative Care. Of course, for monetary reasons, I'm excited to be back in the work force. However, I'll miss the freedom I've come to know in these last few months.

And I'm a bit worried that I'll be a little rusty after so long out of the professional world. Sure, there have been freelance opportunities here and there, but nothing like a full-time gig. It sure doesn't seem like six months could make that much of a difference, but since my brain's been wired for full-time mommy duty (which I've thoroughly enjoyed), it's going to take some time to get back in the swing of things.

Like a lot of people in this economy, I also took a TREMENDOUS pay cut. So, we're going to be cutting corners a LOT more than usual now, which sucks. One benefit of this job is that I'll only be working 8:30 to 3 p.m. in the office and the rest from home, so I'll be with the kids before and after school. A big plus for me. And no daycare bill!

And, of course, there's the fact that I'm working for a company which provides an invaluable service to those in need. No more working just to put money in "the man's" pocket. What I do will be making a difference in people's lives. And that feels amazing!

Back to school

Yes, it's that time of year again. We're all asking the same questions - Where did the summer go? Back to school already? This year, my kids are at three different school - 2nd, 7th and 10th grades. It's going to be a whirlwind of activity. But I'm looking forward to it.

They all came home from the first day of school excited about the year. Keile said, "Mom, I LOVE middle school!" I know she'll continue in her enthusiasm. No question. Taege thought the first day was a blast. I hope that feeling lasts throughout the year. You know teenagers. And Blane absolutely loves second grade.

Taege and Keile were teasing her about loving a certain boy who's in her class, to which she cried, "No, I don't! I'm going to find love when I'm 39." I think that's an appropriate age, don't you?

Keile told me about a new friend she made. She said the girl was looking for a place to sit during lunch, and Keile invited to her sit with her and her friends. That's my girl.

Taege isn't excited about homework, but he digs seeing his friends every day and is looking forward to wrestling season. And he's really happy about his schedule of classes.

All in all, a great start to the year. Now, if only I could find a job so I'm not sitting here lonely at home.

What a blessing!

This will be short and sweet, but what a blessing to talk with my son Matt for the first time. I placed him for adoption in 1985, when I was 16. We spent about two hours asking questions and sharing stories back and forth. I'm so impressed with the man he's grown to be and so thankful for his parents and the amazing home they've created for him. His life turned out exactly as I had hoped. For his privacy, I'm not going to share details here, but I wanted to keep you all updated on this most wonderful experience. It continues to be a huge blessing in my life. Thanks for your prayers!

Did they like me?

If you've ever been laid off, you know how golden each interview becomes. Especially when it's a job you really, really want. That's how I'm feeling right now. I'm in the process of interviewing for a senior writer position at a wonderful company. A company that is all about helping people, which was my goal when I started looking for positions.

I first had a phone interview, followed by a face-to-face with the hiring manager. That went very well. I really liked her and believe we'd have a great working relationship. That was followed by a writing "test" in which I was required to write an article for the company's internal publication. Apparently I did well on that because I made it to the top three for second and final interviews with four different people, including the director of the department. Those interviews were yesterday and I feel pretty confident about them. And I even found out that I'm being considered for two different positions.

But you know how you feel after an interview - anxious, nervous, impatient and those self-doubts start creeping in. Did I make a good impression? Did I answer their questions sufficiently? Did they find me engaging? Were they impressed with my experience? And, most important at times, did they like me?

That question takes me all the way back to grade school - waiting to be picked for kickball teams. I always longed to be picked first, but those lucky spaces were reserved for the popular kids. I dreaded being picked last, but thankfully I had some skill and was liked by the popular kids, so that wasn't a real worry. So that left me in the middle. Which was okay for kickball, but not for a job.

So, I sit and wait. Hoping I'll be picked first. Hoping they'll see I'm the perfect candidate for one of the positions. And, like in kickball, hoping they liked me.

Firefly

Sugar cookies with gumdrop middles
Hot from the old gas stove.

Smothering hugs,
Cuddled up in her bosom,
Watching Sylvester chase Tweetie
On the ancient black & white.

Simple dresses made by her own tender hands, checkered plaids and ginghams.

Mason jars stowed away for winter
The green beans and okra we picked by hand.

Laura Ingalls’ bonnets with scarlet bows
Kept away the scorching sun.

Silver triangle struck for six o’clock supper.
"What’s for dinner?" I asked.
"S.O.S." she replied.
I giggled.

Swinging on the porch at twilight,
My feet couldn’t touch the wooden slats.

Catching fireflies in the same jars
We used for canning

A voice whispers in the dark,
"Set them free so they can
Return another night."

Great-Grandma – she returned to me tonight.

***

I was catching fireflies with Blane last night and was reminded of this poem I wrote about my Great-Grandma Lathen one summer evening a few years ago. Isn't it amazing how the mind works through memories so dear to us? And how the simplest activities live on through generations?

The power of words

You know how there are some things you just hang on to forever? Some little trinket that reminds you of a special someone, or a photo that takes you back to a special time or place. I have my share of each but, in my case, it's words that have made a huge impact in my life. Words of encouragement, words of praise, words of love, words of comfort. And I've saved countless cards, letters and notes over the years. As I was sitting here at my desk this morning, I looked over to where I keep a few of these items and one stood out to me.

This letter was written to me by my dear Gran on July 4, 1976, when I was seven years old. Appropriate for today.

***

Dear Suzy (the name my grandparents' called me),

Today is the 200th birthday of our country, and we have so many blessings to count.

It is so wonderful to live in a free country where we can go do what we want and worship as we please.

I thank God for such a wonderful granddaughter.

I hope there will never be any wars to mar your growing up and, after you have finished your education, maybe the right man will come along and you will fall in love and be married. Then maybe your home will be blessed with children.

I hope you will always have a happy life and a rewarding life.

May God always bless you and keep you. Because I love you very much.

Love always,

Granny

***

I can't tell you how much that letter has meant to me over the years. It speaks so strongly to my relationship with my Gran, and has always made me feel so loved. Even at times when I didn't feel very lovable. Most important, it taught me the strength of words, and how they can change your life.

It also led me to write the same kinds of letters for my own children - letters of thanks for them each Thanksgiving, memoirs of each year on their birthdays, notes of love and encouragement in their lunch boxes, diaries sharing daily happenings and funny little things they say, cards for special occasions or "just because," and a letter to each of them on our annual vacation to the Ozarks every summer.

They save these letters and notes, so I know they mean a great deal to them. And I hope that, 30-some years from now, they'll still mean as much as they do today. Try it with your kids, or someone else you love. You never know how powerful words can be in someone's life.

Always in his heart

On Tuesday, I took my kids to see Toy Story 3. Great movie! As I was sitting next to my son, who just turned 15, it felt bittersweet. There's a scene at the end of the movie where Andy and his mom are standing in his empty room as Andy is getting ready to head off to college. His mom chokes up and throws her arms around him saying, "I just wish I could always be with you." And I was reminded that, in only three short years, Taege will be headed off to college as well. Andy says to his mom, "You will be, Mom." And I guess that's true.

Everything we have taught our children, said to our children, experienced with our children will follow them into their adult lives. And we can only hope the positive impressions will outweigh the stupid mistakes we've made as parents. (Yes, we've all made them.) This hope is what's getting me through these teenage years.

As I do every year, I spent an hour on Taege's birthday looking through old photo albums with him - the baby and toddler years, grade school, sports, the births of his sisters, all his "firsts." It's a wonderful way to keep those memories alive. My favorite photo is one of Taege at three years old holding his "Sunshine" puppy and a "Poo-Boo" and jelly sandwich. His taste buds have matured a little since then. Saturday, his birthday dinner of choice was sushi, with unagi (eel) being his favorite.

He's matured a lot in other ways, too. As I've mentioned before, he's learning to drive (and doing a lot better since running over my lamp post a couple months ago!). He's almost as tall as me now and is shaving. I tease him about his tiny mustache. We've been through the s-e-x talk many times now and, of course, he thinks he knows everything. He committed his life to Christ last year and is very involved with his youth group. He even went on his first mission trip last spring break and is now working at youth camp. He can be found hanging with his friends a lot and, most of the time, they pick him up in their cars. And he has begun moving into that "friend" relationship with me, as older kids do, at times forgetting that I'm still his mom (who makes the rules) and not one of his peers.

Blane just came upstairs with Taege's giant stuffed cat in her arms. "Look what brother gave me!" she shouted. Of course, his stuffed animals have been shoved into a corner of his room for a few years now. But still, another sign that he's leaving his childhood behind. If you've seen Toy Story 3, I'm sure you'll understand the significance of this moment. Like Andy, Taege is a little ambivalent about moving into the next phase of his life. But in the end, the possibilities are enticing. And yes, I'm excited for him because, like Andy's mother, I've realized that I'll always be in my son's heart.

Face time with God

One piece of advice I always hear is not to talk about religion or politics if you want to keep your readers. And, for some reason, I've listened to that advice...up to this point. Sitting in church service this morning, however, I realized how ridiculous that is because it's my faith that makes me who I am - as a mother, daughter, sister, friend, co-worker. It's my relationship with Christ that keeps me afloat in the often tumultuous waters of single parenting, and life in general.

This morning, our pastor challenged us to give up (for a week) the first source of information we routinely turn to each day and, instead, devote that time to God, praying and studying his Word. The first thing I thought of was Facebook. I would say, quite honestly, that this has become one of my addictions. Every morning I get on to check out what's happening in the lives of my friends, view photos posted, share what's going on in my life and see the latest updates on the pages I "like." It's like my morning coffee; I can't start my day without it. So, I'm giving up Facebook this week for face time with God.

When I told my kids about this, the two youngest looked at me funny. But it gave me the opportunity to teach them more about our faith and it set an example for them, planting another seed that I'll continue to water as the years go by. This, I believe, is my most important job as a mother - one I take very seriously. And one I won't be talked into hiding - here or anywhere else.